What if your life keeps giving you the same thing over and over again? What if you experience a feeling like anger, sadness or fear again and again in different situations or as a reaction to different people and you sometimes feel powerless at the mercy of this feeling because it “happens” again and again in different encounters and you don’t react that way , as you actually want?
It’s called being triggered. Everyone is triggered, some more, others less. We are all triggered again and again with our same, mostly destructive behavior in completely different situations or by completely different people on the outside.
This means that we trigger an automatic reaction that we don’t really want and that usually doesn’t have so much to do with the outside world, but much more with ourselves, because we are irritated outside and with it an old feeling, like “not seeing/understood/being felt loved” and therefore simply reacting to this stimulus out of our “old pattern”.
Behavior comes from childhood, so you act as you did as a child when you felt you had no other way of acting.
If you want to break through this reaction, an analysis helps, most of the time you don’t get 100% on all of this in the analysis on your own because you’re ‘in it’, but it’s a start.
My coaching is often about exactly that. An unwanted behavior that you have to finally resolve or get rid of that uncomfortable emotion, like anger or sadness, etc., because you realize it has something to do with me, because it happens to me all the time and I just want that no longer feel or act that way.
Here is a small active self-experiment:
Write down three situations that you have recently encountered that have triggered this typical, unpleasant feeling and give each of the three situations a short title.
2.Now analyze the following in turn:
A) What bothered you most about each of the three situations? For example, “I didn’t feel understood/seen, etc.”
B) How did you react? For example, with “withdrawal or excessive arguing, being offended, and deliberately not talking, etc.”
C) What do the three situations have in common? Most of the time, A) and B), that is, what bothered you and how you reacted, are surprisingly very similar.
D) Have you known your behavior/reaction for a long time and if so, when in childhood did you use it? With your father or your mother? Why? For example, “I acted this way with my mom because she didn’t have time anyway and I felt like I had to be the good kid”.
E) Come back to the here and now and ask yourself, “How could I have responded instead in the three situations and from the ‘adult me’? For example, “I could have expressed how I felt and said that the behavior made me disappointed, sad, or angry instead of … acting.”
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And I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you to handle yourself well, in the next situation when a person triggers you!